Conservatives Defend Their Anti-Trans Bigotry

“For thousands of years, humanity only had one gender, and that was enough.”

“As much as I deny the Holocaust, nothing would bring me more joy than to one day start my own.”

“Where would we be as a country if we didn’t take every non-issue and turn it into a culture war?”

“I heard they can fly and that scares me.”

“In fairness, I am bigoted against way more people than just trans people.”

“I’m doing everything in my power to put an end to Harry Potter adults, and I’m somehow the bad guy?”

“I have been forced at gunpoint by thousands of teenagers I’ve never seen before to gender-reassignment surgeries, and I’m so tired now that I don’t think there should be any more.”

“What if I am in a public bathroom and I run out of toilet paper and I get down on my hands and knees and reach under the stall to grab toilet paper from the next stall over without checking if anyone’s even in there and I reach my hand in and grab a penis? What if that happens to me?”

“Male and female ice cream should be kept separate, goddamnit!!!!!”

“A sixth-grader came into my guidance counselor office the other day and said she thinks she is experiencing gender dysphoria and wanted my advice. Fortunately, I know my rights, and so I said, my advice to you is that you are trying to groom me, and if you persist I will have you arrested. I’d hate for any other guidance counselor to be traumatized and almost groomed into manhood by an 11-year-old like I was on that terrible day.”

“I think trans people are icky, but I’m actually liberal and have always voted for Democrats, so I think I should be excused from this slideshow.”

“If the trans community can get to Dilbert, then none of us are safe.”

“I believe it’s God’s will that a man has an outside pee pee.”

“Trans people will only groom children into becoming comfortable expressing their authentic selves.”

“If all of these sexually confused teens feel empowered to define themselves on their own terms, then they won’t need me complimenting their bodies in online forums anymore.”

“You know what, I just realized I don’t even know what trans people are, but I’m sure I’ll begin hating them more effectively once I figure it out.”

“You expect me to not only remember every idiotic thing I blurt out to incite hateful rage among my viewers but also invent some impossible logic to defend it? Fat chance.”

“It’s my job as an elected representative to reflect my constituents’ prejudices.”

“You’re telling me I’m just supposed to keep to myself and not worry about something that doesn’t affect me at all? Then what am I supposed to think about, the environment?”

“It’s not really so much trans people themselves, it’s more that I’m an unrelenting ball of hatred, and will direct that hatred wherever I’m told.”

“Just wanted you to know my pen names are TERFs, too.”

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