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Area Teen Watching March Madness Enters 2-Week Phase Where Dream School Is Creighton

UTICA, NY—Developing a passionate interest in the university that would last precisely a fortnight, an area teen watching March Madness Friday reportedly entered a two-week phase where his dream school is Creighton. “Creighton is absolutely the best…

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Twin Absorbs Sibling At 62

GARY, IN—Confirming the results after extensive medical imaging, a team of doctors at Indiana University Northwest reported Wednesday a case of one twin absorbing another at the age of 62. “It’s more common than you think,” said Dr. Joseph Beaumont,…

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The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Get In Shape And Stay In Shape

Deciding which products will fulfill your basic needs or fill that gaping hole in your heart can be stressful. The Onion ’s Test Sweatshop is here to help. Every product we recommend has been tested for over 50,000 hours by our army of indentured …

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Area Teen Watching March Madness Enters 2-Week Phase Where Dream School Is Creighton

Ragged Houseplant Drags Itself Over Expanse Of Living Room Floor In Search Of Water

Twin Absorbs Sibling At 62

Go-Bag Consists Solely Of Axe For Taking Someone Else’s Supplies

Watch

News In Photos

Ragged Houseplant Drags Itself Over Expanse Of Living Room Floor In Search Of Water

Go-Bag Consists Solely Of Axe For Taking Someone Else’s Supplies

It Absolutely Impossible To Tell That Boring Couple On Date Falling Deeply In Love

Badass Car Driving Around With Parking Ticket Still On Windshield

Infographic

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Get In Shape And Stay In Shape

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