TALLAHASSEE, FL—Touting the nutrition plan as a way to keep children alert and engaged during the school day, Gov. Ron DeSantis announced Thursday that he would be overseeing a new program offering Florida students free force-fed meals. “Every child has the right to be force-fed until they’re physically ill,” said DeSantis, who confirmed that $200 million would be allocated to make sure every K-12 student in the state had access to a guard and a chair where they would be strapped down with a feeding tube shunted up their nose and into their stomachs. “What makes this program so important is that these force-fed meals could be the only five times a day these students are getting force-fed. All Ensure shakes will be completely free. And to show these students just how much I truly care about their well-being, I’ll even take the time to come by and laugh at them myself.” At press time, DeSantis was attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony for the first Florida charter school at Guantánamo Bay.